I can't complain about my personal experience of lockdown. I've been able to work full time from home, we have plenty of outdoor space, none of my immediate family are ill, and I've been able to exercise and get hold of the food we need. I think I might be starting to fray slightly round the edges though now. Not for any particular reason, and I'm certainly not keen for things to get back to 'normal' any time soon. I think we've just had a run of gloomy weather and I've started to feel a little bit stuck. I hate feeling stuck. You'll never catch me complaining about my job but saying I can't even look for a new one because 'I'm institutionalised' as I've heard several people say over the years. So far I've never stayed in a relationship, or a house, because 'it's easier' than moving on, although I would never criticise someone else for doing that, as relationships and living arrangements and jobs are complicated beasts. I'm not feeling stuck in any of those big heavy things right now, just generally a bit out of sorts and feeling a little tiny bit stuck because I can't do many of the things I'd usually do to get a grip on myself. If times were normal, I'd take myself off to a local town for an afternoon of pottering by myself, and sit in a cafe for an hour or two with a notebook and pen and a nice piece of cake and make some plans. Or I'd go for a trip to a museum or somewhere only I wanted to visit, and spend as long as I wanted ambling around the grounds. But I can't do those things right now, and the weather has been so grim this last week that I've not even been able to spend a few hours in the garden in the evening. I think in reality that's the only thing that's changed this week. Before this recent bout of wind and rain, it had been warm and sunny for weeks, and I was fine with not being able to go anywhere because I spent hours each day in the garden. But when the weather keeps me inside (at least most of the time) I notice the housework that needs doing and the kitchen that is still a building site, and the garden is no consolation when I can barely even see it from the window. I do know where these gloomy thoughts sit in relation to what's going on in the world. I know this is a tiny problem compared to what many people are facing, but I'm writing this here as part of my attempt to drag myself out of it. I'm a cheerful soul usually, not predisposed to maudlin ponderings, and I have little patience for them in myself (I can handle other people's gloominess far better than my own). So here's the plan. The sun is shining today, which is a good start. I'm going to have another cup of tea, read while I drink it, and then tog up and get outside. Yesterday was National Meadows Day, which I didn't realise, so I'm going to take a few pictures in our meadow and see what I can identify. I've got some washing in the machine which will hopefully dry quickly in the breeze. One of our older chickens seems unwell, so I'll bring her in for an Epsom salts bath and keep an eye on her. I might let the new chicken ladies out to free range for a while (always a risk - they're still quite easily spooked at this stage and we have no fences so they could end up miles away).
I'm going to listen to a more cheerful audio book - the one I have on the go is annoying and SO very long and I'm only a couple of hours from the end but I just don't think I can take any more of it, not today anyway. I might go for a walk, or even a bike ride. And I'm going to take pictures and report back. I've been blogging in various places for over eleven years now, and I've always treated my blogs as a kind of scrapbook of cheerful things for me to look back on. It works. When I do it regularly, I can look back and say to myself 'see, it didn't rain for the entire summer!' Or 'look how much you've got done in the garden since March!' This isn't in any way a complete record of my life (clearly, as there were only two posts in June) but I do like to record the gardens/chickens/craft/cake side of things, which I've barely been doing at all lately. Ok. Tea. Outside. Sunshine.
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Hello!Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'm Jenni, and I write here about our new foray into country living, which includes growing food, knitting, baking, wandering around the fields, and seeing which local cafe serves the best cake. Categories
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