I can't complain about my personal experience of lockdown. I've been able to work full time from home, we have plenty of outdoor space, none of my immediate family are ill, and I've been able to exercise and get hold of the food we need. I think I might be starting to fray slightly round the edges though now. Not for any particular reason, and I'm certainly not keen for things to get back to 'normal' any time soon. I think we've just had a run of gloomy weather and I've started to feel a little bit stuck. I hate feeling stuck. You'll never catch me complaining about my job but saying I can't even look for a new one because 'I'm institutionalised' as I've heard several people say over the years. So far I've never stayed in a relationship, or a house, because 'it's easier' than moving on, although I would never criticise someone else for doing that, as relationships and living arrangements and jobs are complicated beasts. I'm not feeling stuck in any of those big heavy things right now, just generally a bit out of sorts and feeling a little tiny bit stuck because I can't do many of the things I'd usually do to get a grip on myself. If times were normal, I'd take myself off to a local town for an afternoon of pottering by myself, and sit in a cafe for an hour or two with a notebook and pen and a nice piece of cake and make some plans. Or I'd go for a trip to a museum or somewhere only I wanted to visit, and spend as long as I wanted ambling around the grounds. But I can't do those things right now, and the weather has been so grim this last week that I've not even been able to spend a few hours in the garden in the evening. I think in reality that's the only thing that's changed this week. Before this recent bout of wind and rain, it had been warm and sunny for weeks, and I was fine with not being able to go anywhere because I spent hours each day in the garden. But when the weather keeps me inside (at least most of the time) I notice the housework that needs doing and the kitchen that is still a building site, and the garden is no consolation when I can barely even see it from the window. I do know where these gloomy thoughts sit in relation to what's going on in the world. I know this is a tiny problem compared to what many people are facing, but I'm writing this here as part of my attempt to drag myself out of it. I'm a cheerful soul usually, not predisposed to maudlin ponderings, and I have little patience for them in myself (I can handle other people's gloominess far better than my own). So here's the plan. The sun is shining today, which is a good start. I'm going to have another cup of tea, read while I drink it, and then tog up and get outside. Yesterday was National Meadows Day, which I didn't realise, so I'm going to take a few pictures in our meadow and see what I can identify. I've got some washing in the machine which will hopefully dry quickly in the breeze. One of our older chickens seems unwell, so I'll bring her in for an Epsom salts bath and keep an eye on her. I might let the new chicken ladies out to free range for a while (always a risk - they're still quite easily spooked at this stage and we have no fences so they could end up miles away).
I'm going to listen to a more cheerful audio book - the one I have on the go is annoying and SO very long and I'm only a couple of hours from the end but I just don't think I can take any more of it, not today anyway. I might go for a walk, or even a bike ride. And I'm going to take pictures and report back. I've been blogging in various places for over eleven years now, and I've always treated my blogs as a kind of scrapbook of cheerful things for me to look back on. It works. When I do it regularly, I can look back and say to myself 'see, it didn't rain for the entire summer!' Or 'look how much you've got done in the garden since March!' This isn't in any way a complete record of my life (clearly, as there were only two posts in June) but I do like to record the gardens/chickens/craft/cake side of things, which I've barely been doing at all lately. Ok. Tea. Outside. Sunshine.
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Today was the first non-snowy day without visitors for a while, so I finally retrieved my bike from the garage, pumped the tyres up, and set off for a cycle down one of the old railway trails that criss cross the national park. I used to do this fairly regularly before, but they're a lot closer to home now. Our old house was on top of a hill and surrounded by city roads, and our new one is perched on the side of a hill surrounded by narrow roads with windy bends, and on the whole I prefer my leisure cycling to be flatter and involve a lot of stopping to take photographs. I did question the wisdom of choosing today for a bike ride. It was raining all morning, and I squelched about the garden as I got my bike ready. But there was a brief break in the clouds which convinced me that it might not rain all afternoon, and I set off (clad in plenty of waterproofs). The sky was at least a little more interesting than the blank dull grey that it's been recently. I do like to see scudding clouds (although I prefer little fluffy white ones scudding across a blue sky). There was a lot of water on the trail too, and at times it was like I was cycling through a river. Needless to say, between the rain coming down, and the puddles coming up, I was drenched. I don't actually mind being drenched on a bike ride, as long as I can dry off and get warm straight after, but this was quite ridiculous. Even after removing my (supposedly) waterproof walking boots and two pairs of socks, my feet were still leaving wet footprints on the floor. I'm quite pleased I lasted for 11 miles. I've not been on a bike for months, and while this was flat, it was also quite hard going with the rain and the wind and the puddles. I was quite pleased to get home and dry though, and gained a new appreciation for the rain when I spotted this double rainbow behind the house. Rainbows aside, I'd quite like things to dry up a bit soon. Between the rain and the snow, and our many visitors with their extra cars, we've ended up with quite a churned up moat outside our front gate. I'm very grateful for my wellies right now.
Today was the first day I've been at home in the daylight since the snow melted. As there was a brief period between showers, I thought I'd get out for a wander round the fields (I confess, I was actually trying to work out exactly which ones were ours). I was quite glad of my wellies, although I nearly lost them at one point. I think we've bought some kind of swamp. I think it's partly because of the amount of snow we've had lately, but I also remember this field in particular being pretty soggy when we first saw the house in August. The gateways are the worst, particularly in the fields the neighbouring farmer's cows have been in, and in several places there were little streams running down the hill. I'm (apparently) in charge of 'outside' here, and so dealing with all this water is my job. I'll be doing a fair bit of reading in the coming weeks. I've made a small start... This is our main route into the house, and it's been getting muddier all week as the snow has melted. Peter had made a path up to the front door using some old roof slates from our falling down barn, but the entrance itself was still rather damp. We pulled some more roof slates from the rubble, and I made an extra bit of path from the drive. At some point we'll join the two sections up. While I was out, I spotted a pile of hardcore, and made a start on filling in our biggest pothole. It was a slow start, as we don't currently have a wheelbarrow, so I was filling one spade at a time, and our friends arrived before I'd finished. Felt good to make a start though. Now the snow has gone, I can see the drive is lined with daffodils, and we've found a clump of snowdrops at the end of the footpath. Can't wait to see what else appears in the coming months.
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Hello!Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'm Jenni, and I write here about our new foray into country living, which includes growing food, knitting, baking, wandering around the fields, and seeing which local cafe serves the best cake. Categories
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February 2024
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